Better Communication with a Direct Approach

An angry boss of an internet start-up firm is repeatedly coercing his employees to work long hours with the threat of losing jobs and the potential for vast riches if the company succeeds. If this man were to express his needs in a more respectful manner rather than through mandates, would he get more from his employees?

A recent report on NPR revealed that two-thirds of doctors say they do not discuss losing weight with their patients, even though the vast majority of Americans are obese or overweight. If doctors were clear and more direct about the dangers of being overweight, would this help their patients lose pounds and avoid diabetes?

A middle-manager in a major pharmaceutical company is talking behind another manager’s back with derogatory statements about her character, which undermines advancement opportunities for both. If this middle-manager were to speak directly to the other manager about the character concerns, would it help build a more honest relationship between the two and improve their advancement chances?

Communication that is aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive cripples our ability to understand each other and work together well. And poor workplace communication results in conflict that can create uncertainty, resource hoarding, ineffective teamwork, and spreading rumors and gossip.

There are many descriptors for communication styles, but they typically fall into four categories: aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive and assertive. Rarely do any of us stay in one style all the time, but instead move in and out of them continually, though we may remain in one longer than the others.

When using an aggressive style there is manipulation involved. This often means hurting others through guilt or anger, and using intimidation and other control tactics. Though this style may be effective in the short term like when playing sports or fighting in a war, it will fail if used repeatedly in relationships in or out of the workplace.

The passive style of communication is one of compliance with the hope of avoiding confrontation at all costs. Using the passive style means speaking very little and questioning even less. With this style of communication very little is accomplished and needs are unlikely to get met. In the workplace, this can stifle understanding and get in the way of moving forward.

Those in a passive-aggressive style avoid direct confrontation by remaining passive, but then use aggression—often behind someone’s back—in order to get even. This harmful communication style also uses manipulation and may lead to office politics and spreading negative rumors. It is also the most difficult to detect and deal with because it switches back and forth so often.

The most effective and healthiest form of communication is the assertive style. We all naturally communicate in this way when our self-esteem is intact because we have confidence. When using the assertive style we are able to communicate our needs with clarity and often look for win/win solutions with others.

Surprisingly, assertive communication is the style people use least often. This is unfortunate because when using assertive communication you:

• express your wants, needs, and feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully
• use “I” statements
• listen well without interrupting
• feel in control of yourself
• have good eye contact
• speak in a calm and clear tone of voice
• have a relaxed body posture
• feel connected to others
• feel competent and in control

You may notice that many of these are associated with being emotionally intelligent and thereby being able to navigate your relationships with self-reflection, self-regulation and empathy.

Assertiveness is based on mutual respect, and it’s an effective and diplomatic communication style. When you are assertive, you’re willing to stand up for your interests and easily express your thoughts and feelings. It also demonstrates that you are aware of the rights of others and are willing to work on resolving conflicts.

With assertive communication, a boss’s urgency could be better communicated to motivate his employees in a healthy manner, doctors could make a clear and compelling case for overweight patients at risk of getting diabetes, and middle-managers could stop sabbotaging careers by being more straight-forward with each other.

If you’re in conflict with someone at work, notice what kind of communication style you are using as well as the other person. See if you can make a conscious effort to change your style to be assertive. You may find that the other person will begin to reflect that same direct approach back to you and help resolve the conflict.

Using this direct assertive communication style more often in the workplace can dramatically improve engagement, teamwork and productivity.

Joe Paterno, Penn State and Leadership

What do recent events at Penn State and the firing of legendary football coach Joe Paterno say about the state of leadership today?

Many of the leaders at Penn State failed in various ways by failing to stop the heinous crime of child molestation. Assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky is the guiltiest, of course, but other leaders share in the blame.

Sandusky was arrested last Saturday on 21 felony counts, including seven counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse. These counts involve alleged abuse of eight young boys over a period of 15 years, including several incidents that allegedly took place at the university’s athletic facilities.

Athletic director Tim Curley and university administer Gary Schultz not only allegedly failed to report the sexual abuse of the children by coach Sandusky, but also made false statements about it to a grand jury.

Penn State university president, Graham Spanier, according to a grand jury report, stated he not only was made aware of the allegations, but approved Curley’s approach in dealing with it. Spanier, one of the longest-serving college presidents in the nation, then pledged his “unconditional support” to Curley and Schultz two days prior to when they both resigned.

Then there is assistant coach Mike McQueary, who was a graduate assistant when he personally witnessed Sandusky raping one of the victims and reported it to Paterno the following day back in March 2002. Curley told McQueary that Sandusky’s locker room keys would be taken away, but McQueary told no one else and took no further action.

Finally, Joe Paterno, the winningest head coach in college football, failed in his leadership because although he apparently reported the news to his boss, he never went to the police, never confronted Sandusky and never followed up to ensure it didn’t happen again.

True leadership requires ensuring that corrections are made when a crisis like this first comes to light. It’s not enough for a coach to simply report the crime to his superior. Eight young boys were victimized and these five Penn State leaders all played a role in contributing to the delay of Sandusky being charged and repeating his crimes.

Leadership requires stepping up to such ethical dilemmas and making tough decisions even when it may reflect poorly on oneself and/or one’s institution. Courageous leadership requires that controversial action is taken when it is the right thing to do, even if it is not in the best interests of the institution.

Imagine if our elected officials in congress could be this courageous. Here at this especially critical time for decisive action we have partisan bickering and an inability to do what is in the best interest of the American people.

Whether it is heinous crimes within a prestigious college football program, insider trading in a multinational corporation, or sexual harassment by a presidential candidate, it appears that the larger or more powerful the person or institution, the more courageous leadership is required.

Powerful forces will always attempt to quell potential damage and that is why it takes so much courage and persistence by victims, witnesses and those who learn of the atrocity to come forward and see that justice is done. No matter where these people are in the organizational chart, they are the ones who can demonstrate such strong leadership.

And when those in true leadership positions fail to act, they must be removed.

Increased Productivity Requires Focused Attention & Changing Bad Habits

In today’s workplace people are working harder than ever, yet the results may not reflect this in a way that shows increased productivity. Part of it may be due to a lack of focus on getting results. And part may be because bad habits keep us from succeeding.

Getting results requires focusing on only that which matters. Self help author and motivational speaker Brian Tracy describes what he calls the “law of three” in business management. According to this law, aside from the three most important tasks or results you want to achieve, everything else contributes just 10 percent of actual results.

Unfortunately, most people spend 90 perecent of their time on activities that contribute very little and then wonder why they are making so little progress.

Tracy suggests you first determine the three most important results you must achieve in order to be successful. Typically, it’s one primary result with two supporting results that are essential in order to succeed in achieving the first. For example, the first could be sales volume, while the second and third would be effective marketing to attract qualified prospects and effective selling to convert prospects into customers.

Next you need to eliminate all the “busy work” you end up doing each day that gets in the way of focusing all your time and energy on these three results 90 percent of the time.

Take a critical look at your job description. Does it acurately reflect what the company needs you to do in order to succeed in your three most important results? If not, see if you can refine it and then present this to your manager. You are not looking to be confrontational, but you want to ensure your time and energy is used to produce results the company wants and needs from you.

The other side of the equation has to do with your own bad habits that may get in the way of reaching results. This is where you have to take an honest appraisal of yourself and identify what you do habitually that keeps you from staying focused on your three results.

“Success and failure are more a result of your habits than anything else,” says Tracy

If you can increase your good habits and reduce your bad habits, you will dramatically contribute to your success in life. This is easier said than done, of course. There is a saying that bad habits are like comfortable chairs—easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

Here are 12 steps for changing a bad habit:

1.      Make a Plan – Write this down; make the bad habit specific and describe what it looks and feels like to be gone.
2.      One at a Time – As tempting as it may be to take on more than one, stay focused so you can be successful with just one habit at a time.
3.      Take a Full 30 Days – There is no research to say exactly how long it takes to break a bad habit, but if this is something you do all the time then    30 days should be sufficient.
4.      Acknowledge Your Triggers – You know better than anyone what triggers your bad habit, so you must determine a strategy to avoid or counter them. And for each trigger, determine a good habit you can use in place of your bad habit.
5.      Avoid Environments/People That Trigger You – If there is a place or person that makes this habit more likely to show up, see if you can avoid it or them for awhile.
6.      Acknowledge Your Obstacles – You also know what gets in the way of changing your behavior better than anyone. So think of a creative strategy to overcome them.
7.      Ask for Help and Support – Don’t go about this without others to cheer you on and help you when you are weak.
8.      Become Aware of What You Tell Yourself – All too often what we say to ourselves can counter what we try to achieve. Be mindful of this inner dialogue and correct it if necessary.
9.     Stay Healthy – Take care of your physical health by eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise and plenty of sleep.
10.  Determine Disincentives for Failure – Make failing to change this habit detrimental in some way that will help you succeed.
11.  Give Yourself a Reward – Acknowledge and celebrate your success with a reward that will continually remind you of why you earned it.
12.  If you Fail, Start Again – Like learning anything new, it may take more than one attempt to succeed. Don’t get discouraged, find out what went wrong, correct it, and start over again.

Bad habits can often sabotage your attempt to focus on the most important work at hand. It takes courage and commitment to remove these bad habits, but once you do, you will be rewarded for a lifetime.

This combination of focused attention on your three most important results and removing habits that get in the way of succeeding are the keys to making your hard work lead to increased productivity.